(no subject)
shikarix
Hi there,

I have to turn to a bunch of strangers, or not even a bunch of strangers because no one reads what I write anyways, but the computer when I have problems, I don't wanna burden anyone I know, besides, I'm anonymous here.

I hate myself. Legitimately hate myself and if anyone knows a way to kill yourself without damaging your face beyond recognition so it wouldn't be half as hard for my Mom when she has to come identify my body, that would be great, please and thank you. I'm running out of ideas. And what's worse, I can't help myself from listening to the most depressing music, I might actually OD right here in front of everyone. There's nothing to like about me, you'd think, hey what an ugly girl, maybe God felt pity on her and gave her a nice heart. Unfortunately not, I'm the most horrible person inside and out. I'm a horrible friend and a horrible girlfriend and I guess that's why I create so many problems and when it comes down to it, no one really wants me anyways. 

It's not that I have a problem with not having many friends, I like being alone, really. It's just that it's a constant reminder of just how worthless and pathetic I really am and I just want someone or something to make me think otherwise but that would be a lie. Sometimes I feel as if someone else is taking control of my body and I watch myself do stupid things but I can't do anything because this person that's taken over my brain has tied the real me up and shoved me into the corner and they take pleasure in sabotaging my life over and over. 

I can't express enough how worthless I am. I'm an abomination to the human race. I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself. Sometimes 

And to everyone in my life, maybe one day when I'm dead, you'll log onto my computer and realize I have a livejournal and maybe you'll read it, maybe not. But I'm so sorry I was such a pain for this long, sorry I was such a disgrace, such a bad girlfriend and a horrible friend and I'm sorry about my broken promises and I'm sorry I couldn't be perfect. Sorry I didn't have the same beliefs as you all do, I know that was a huge inconvenience. Sorry I kept letting you all down. Sorry for all the times I've told a lie for my own benefit. Sorry you all had to meet me, I swear it was unintentional. I could never say this to your faces, but I'm sorry. And to everyone who hates me, don't worry I hate me too, I won't be around very long I assure you, bear with me a little longer.

I give up fighting for something that would never fight back for me. I give up, I'm so sorry. 

I'm sleepy, goodnight.

Shikarix




(no subject)
shikarix
If you aren’t thin, you’re ugly.
Being thin is way more important than being healthy.
You must do anything to make yourself look thinner.
Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty.
Thou shall not eat fattening foods without punishing yourself accordingly.
Thou shall always count calories.
The scale is everything.
Losing=Life, Gaining=Death
You must become thin.
Being thin and perfect are signs of true determination.

Writer's Block: Vision Test
shikarix
Yes. Most true loves spark at first sight, whether you acknowledge it or not, it's there.
Do you believe in love at first sight?

Tuesday 7th February 2012 11:49PM
shikarix
I can't quite figure out whether my dramatic family is the reason why I hate unnecessary drama or if I hate unnecessary drama and I was just, so perfectly, sorted into this flawless family. A day in my life would make for a season's plot of a crappy soap opera with horrible lighting and close ups so close, you could see every pore on their face. 
Pathetique: A Tale of Egotism

 Please save me now, I can't wait to live with my husband;

Writer's Block: Tough Choices
shikarix
To be honest, it's not really a tough choice for me. I know it sounds harsh but family. I was never a good member of my family anyways, I'm always such a let down and no one understands me. My boyfriend/husband and my best friends understand me and I never have to live up to expectations around them. I get to live a drama-free life.
If forced to give up one, which would you choose: love, friendship, or family?

(no subject)
shikarix
Ever since I was little I've always said I wanted an interesting life. That I wished something big would happen. But I never really realized that my entire life, something big was happening. And now I'm old enough to understand that the big thing about me is that I'm part of a fake family and that I'm dying slowly and these dreams I have for myself, attending a great university, getting married, having lots of happy children, is my only way of keeping myself alive.

I dont know how long it'll last
shikarix

(no subject)
shikarix
please, what the fuck have i done

(no subject)
shikarix
i hate my family i hate my life i wish i would turn 20 so i could kill myself and just get everything over with. god everythings so pointless

Sunday 5th February 2012 7:14PM
shikarix
Don't take this the wrong way, but I adore perfectly mummified corpses. It should be considered artwork, it's so beautiful.

Saturday 4th January 2012 7:48PM First-world-problems.
shikarix
For fucks sake, the unnecessary drama between my mom and dad is just inconceivable. I don't mean to sound like an ungrateful, whine of a daughter, but it's no joke. My mom is  the drama queen of the century and if I turn into anything like her when I grow up, I'll check myself into a psychiatric ward. She is the epitome of hypocrites, she's God of all hypocrites. And yes, everyone is a hypocrite, but if there was a hierarchy system of hypocrites, she'd be so far up there you'd need a telescope to see her.

First of all, she flips when someone criticizes her  the tiniest bit, but when she rambles on and on to me and bitches that I never listen and that I'll never get better, it's miraculously okay.

Another thing, remind me to never ever fight with my husband in front of my kids, or in public for that matter, just. Please.

Shikarix 


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