I have to turn to a bunch of strangers, or not even a bunch of strangers because no one reads what I write anyways, but the computer when I have problems, I don't wanna burden anyone I know, besides, I'm anonymous here.
I hate myself. Legitimately hate myself and if anyone knows a way to kill yourself without damaging your face beyond recognition so it wouldn't be half as hard for my Mom when she has to come identify my body, that would be great, please and thank you. I'm running out of ideas. And what's worse, I can't help myself from listening to the most depressing music, I might actually OD right here in front of everyone. There's nothing to like about me, you'd think, hey what an ugly girl, maybe God felt pity on her and gave her a nice heart. Unfortunately not, I'm the most horrible person inside and out. I'm a horrible friend and a horrible girlfriend and I guess that's why I create so many problems and when it comes down to it, no one really wants me anyways.
It's not that I have a problem with not having many friends, I like being alone, really. It's just that it's a constant reminder of just how worthless and pathetic I really am and I just want someone or something to make me think otherwise but that would be a lie. Sometimes I feel as if someone else is taking control of my body and I watch myself do stupid things but I can't do anything because this person that's taken over my brain has tied the real me up and shoved me into the corner and they take pleasure in sabotaging my life over and over.
I can't express enough how worthless I am. I'm an abomination to the human race. I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself. Sometimes
And to everyone in my life, maybe one day when I'm dead, you'll log onto my computer and realize I have a livejournal and maybe you'll read it, maybe not. But I'm so sorry I was such a pain for this long, sorry I was such a disgrace, such a bad girlfriend and a horrible friend and I'm sorry about my broken promises and I'm sorry I couldn't be perfect. Sorry I didn't have the same beliefs as you all do, I know that was a huge inconvenience. Sorry I kept letting you all down. Sorry for all the times I've told a lie for my own benefit. Sorry you all had to meet me, I swear it was unintentional. I could never say this to your faces, but I'm sorry. And to everyone who hates me, don't worry I hate me too, I won't be around very long I assure you, bear with me a little longer.
I give up fighting for something that would never fight back for me. I give up, I'm so sorry.
I'm sleepy, goodnight.